I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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