Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
