a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We need to get me chipped asap
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
