What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
