chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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