At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
