Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
