You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
