He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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