i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
