I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
