I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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