I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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