"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
