I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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