mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
