I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
