my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
