She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
