your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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