I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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