this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How external is "for external use only"?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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