its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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