did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize