addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
