whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
