i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
