My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
