I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
