We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
