So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
