she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
