my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
