after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
