Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
