my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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