my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
