idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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