she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
