I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
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We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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