don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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