I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
