If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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