I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
