Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
