Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
