Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
