My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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