I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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