Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
