would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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