Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
