U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
