I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
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underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
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I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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