Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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