Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
