It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
