I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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