so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
