I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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