my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
