Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
