Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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