I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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