found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
