remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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