I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
