just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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