i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
