i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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