before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
