your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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