my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
