i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize