I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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