my being single is dangerous.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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