Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
